A Measured Man

It’s October 22, 2018 and I’m fully focused into this badboy, wondering if I’m ready for the challenges that lie ahead. Payne pack it up! You’re going home.

I thought I would excited, nerves uncontrollable, in fact I was surprisingly calm. Partially because I had finally found peace serving my time, but more importantly because I had been vigorously chasing God despite the trying circumstances.

“”The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of convenience and comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”- Dr. MLK JR. Boy was this read a challenge. Never in my life had I been such exposed to the many ways I was living disaligned with my spirit. Each chapter raised new awareness on the inner work I still needed to do.

I wasn’t finished with this gem and finding a good read behind the wall was a journey. So I decided to bring this with me. More importantly, along came it’s teachings. I still fims myself questioning who I am amongst life’s challenges at times and find the only true source to turn for answers…is God.

Broskis, I know it isn’t always easy to chase God in a world that deems emotional intelligence and tenderness as weak. But in fact I have never felt more strong in my life. If you ever find yourself feeling lost or like the weight of the world is holding you down, I highly encourage you to pick up a copy of this book. I’ve struggled with lack of confidence, irresponsibility, and instability due to emotional issues I lagged on facing. Save yourself time and heartache by seeking wisdom. God is all.

More Peace, positivity and prosperity to you! 

To be with someone you have to be able to BE with someone.

& Sometimes that someone has to be yourself for a while.

When is the last time you truly spent time alone with your soul? It gets harder to find that time when we be around everybody but God. To be with someone you must have access to BE. Be yourself, be free, be pushed to your true potential. Whatever being may look like for the sake of your happiness, BE..with yourself, as well as God.

I lived a great deal of my life chasing love in the form of the fleeting. What I come to find is nothing in this world is stable enough to sustain me. Toxic or Karmic connections present themselves in order to call us higher. These are those relationships that show us the pain we’ve been inflicting on others or the hurt we cause ourselves. In order to truly heal this pain we have to be alone, to clearly layout the hindrances in our life, and hear God’s solutions uninterrupted.

If you find yourself in any connection that does not bring you to higher vibration and purpose, get away. Love should feel like home or freedom. God is love, love creates us to be who we are, and encourages the same in others. The world tends to feed us daily guidelines that lead people from authenticity. So most relationships come to destruction at the hands of displacement, ( being disaligned with soul’s purpose.)

In life you may find yourself going through what feels like cyclic crucifixions, repeating trauma or tendencies that only change enviroment or face.
Until we can learn to first be ourselves, then shape our live around what makes our spirit whole authentically, we will live in misery. Two major catalysts for happiness is a healthy home or fulfilled freedom. A soul that cannot BE full, will deteriorate in either. Choose all that allows you to BE, with God and with ourself. Keep a vibe that feels like home…or freedom.

Peace & Positivity

Meditations with Marquise Kickoff Episode!

Love & Light Loves. The first episode of Meditations with Marquise is Now on YouTube! Keep yo peace ✌🏽😎

https://youtu.be/7Ar-6gtgSnQ

Well In Hell

Remembering over bottles of Rosé
Your cup still holds remnants
Of the roleplayers that left you
Feeling empty

Finding your solace
In eucalyptus scents
With hints of mint leaves
Your hair dances with memories
In the wind’s breeze

These days you move with ease
Dutily dishoning anything
That causes disease

Having had your soul taken
On a carousel ride
Through your feelings
You lose your mind
In a library of healing

They say you’ll always find
Truth in the good book
Many of your chapters
Spent being rebellious

From hell you have found wellness

DREAMS CALLING…

Hey stranger its me,
Your happiness.
I am calling from a heart unfulfilled.

It’s been a minute since I’ve heard from you.
Not sure how much longer I can hold on to
Being drowned in empty expectations
From voices that sound nothing like you.

Desperately I have been waiting
To carry you to your dreams
Lost amongst negative thought debating
Dying slow it seems

Should I disguise these cries
Dressed them for instant gratification
Lose them in a mask of lies
Gone as a soul separation

We have both been paying
All the costs to be abandoned
We’ve become used to
Our living freely being reprimanded

Until we are again in reach
Searching through life’s strict demands
Dreams await while lessons teach
Showing you to stick the plan

I call from a place that is peaceful
I call from a place that is free
I call from a place your equal
I call with all your heart fulfilled

I call for you to answer me.

WORTH CATERING

She can no longer cater
To a love that leaves
Her feeling empty.

Her spirit calls
For more than dick
That is good and plenty.

She can no longer
Let her traumas
Resurface.

She has found deep purpose.

She now uses her lips
To inspire others daily.
Her wounds have healed
Her wings are flailing

As the goddess in her cries
To lift others from their wailing.

When the love she gives
Returns not as swiftly.

When the money slows
Because her clothes
Are no longer removed as quickly

When the pain starts to resurface,

She remembers her deepest purpose.

For more writing follow me on IG @90sguru_

Inner Spring Cleaning

Currently: 

Cleaning my inner rooms

Of the memories swept under rugs

As lovers hold tight to their brooms

I can feel the numbing of my knuckles and knees. My mother was brush in a soapy mop bucket old school. My sisters and I had become adept at hiding things, under beds and behind furniture, to expedite our adventures of play. “Ya’ll ain’t going outside ‘til them rooms clean” she would bellow in her sweet but stern soprano voice. Her strenuous methods made me resent cleaning.

I would go outside to play kicking past crumpled beer cans half-dressed in brown paper bags. Unaware I would find much of my own philosophies in their bottoms someday.  I got good at walking through messes. It was all fun and games until those messes bled into my adult life.

“You don’t see ever the bigger picture” I would bellow in my somewhat assured voice. Words I would often use as defense mechanisms toward the women I’d shack up with. There I lay, feet up on a couch that feels like mamas, a visionary, smelling of weed smoke and a lack of purpose, lazily debating my girlfriend’s orders to help clean.

I had been reading and that felt more important. The well written words about maximized manhood reminded me, of everything I had been missing. I saw my absent father in those words, speaking as if life had shifted on its axis and he was there for me. I saw order, cleanliness, leadership, harvest, a life worth living. Then I looked upon the chaos I had created and realized I needed to make changes…

90SGURU’S MINDSET MASTERY MENTORSHIP PROGRAM

After over 8 years of rigorous classes at the school of hardknocks & Self Education, it is time to help others shortcut the shortcut. I have dedicated my life to studying some of the world’s greatest psychologists, philosophers, and thought leaders to bring you proven strategies for mental balance and a maximized mind. Ask me how now! (Only if you serious about yo peace ☮️)

Text or Call (407) 693-3180

Email – M.J.Payne8991@gmail.com

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